I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
