I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
