apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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