I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
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