i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
