I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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