I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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