peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
