This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
