Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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