Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Randomize
