I puked a lego.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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