So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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