Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
