I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
