What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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