When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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