I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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