It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
