here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
