You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
