When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
