they need to just BURY HIM!
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
