She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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