Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
