I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
