thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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