this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
bring money and cleavage
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
