help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
