I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
