I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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