I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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