I wish I could punch you in the face.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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