I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
