mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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