I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
