i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize