remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
