Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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