girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
