I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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