The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
