On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
