THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
