I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Randomize
