Sponge bath it is.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
