walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I am naked and annoyed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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