The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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