Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Dignity is for republicans.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
