You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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