Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
