We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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