I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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