My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
