I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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