I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize