drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize