His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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