it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
