actually, I'm a sock model
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
