We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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