I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
