NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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