It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
