we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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