I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
