one two three fourrrrnication!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
