if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
