in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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