whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
