dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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