Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Drunk is not a location!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
