Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
