Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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